Moral and ethical struggle with attraction to a married man?

I understand the anguish you are going through. To love and to be loved is one of the finest things in the world. Some succeed and others do not. you are honest in saying that you do not wish disturb his married life Nor at the same time to have illegal contacts with him. Think well, if both are not possible, you can be only friends.You must tell your conscious again and again that it should be the only way. Test yourself.Apply for leave and go away to some place for some time. Then perhaps your feelings and attitude towards him may change. We have to live .'so live in a better way.That is more satisfying in the long run. I wish you well.